My dad was a private man when it came to sexual issues. I did find some of his Playboys growing up. And me and my friends used to joke about what we saw and what we wanted to do with the women. I guess, with my dad, I learned to keep most of my sexual thoughts and experiences hidden as I tried to figure things out on my own.
The many benefits to driving also require much responsibility. An irresponsible driver is dangerous, not only to himself, but also to anyone who happens to cross his path.
Parents know this and spend many hours teaching their child how to drive. The State also requires education and training before issuing a driver’s license.
While we recognize the importance of teaching boys how to drive before handling a dangerous vehicle, it seems we don’t give this same level of care in training them how to handle their sexuality.
Most boys are given no direct guidance on how to grow their sexuality into its fullest potential.
If they grew up in church, they might have been taught to avoid lust, pornography, and “fast women.” Still, this does little in teaching them how to harness the powerful surge of sexual energy God has placed within them.
I am sure there are many reasons for this lack of guidance. But what really makes me mad is when we then, without mercy, condemn and shame men for mishandling their sexuality. Figure it out on your own…but not that way.
We don’t have to look far to see the devastation caused by the sexual sins of men. Marriages have broken, leaders have fallen, and many children have lost their father due to the fallout of such sins.
Our judgment on these men is often quick and compassionless. “I hope he rots in hell,” was the response of one Christian woman who recently learned that a youth minister sexually molested one of the teenagers under his care.
Certainly, there is a righteous anger in this response. The minister’s behaviors were egregious and deserving of punishment.
At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if when it came to his sexuality he was still like a little kid behind the wheel of a vehicle – too immature and lacking in instruction to know how to handle its great power.
Without denying their responsibility, we leave men vulnerable to sin when we fail to teach them how to live out their sexuality with a pure and holy passion.
This instruction starts in the home, where boys are taught that their sexual energy is good and reveals something about the divine nature of God. They are also taught how to use this energy to bring more life, goodness, and beauty into the world.
Too many marriages, families, and ministries have been taken out by the sexual sins. It is my hope that we as the church will learn how to actively care for the sexual lives of our men.
As men learn how to use their sexuality for good, and not just tolerate it, I believe we will make great strides in advancing the Kingdom of Light.
The news headlines on any given day remind us just how great this need is.