Did you know it’s normal for most women in marriage to occasionally report a lack of sexual interest or enjoyment? There is hope and healing from the most common female sexual challenges:
- Low Sexual Desire
- Difficulty with Arousal
- Difficulty with Orgasm
- Painful Sex
Many couples also experience conflict over their levels of sexual desire, or the way they express their desires. Others have come to believe that sex is for just the husband, while others find themselves simply going through the motions of sex, lacking passion, creativity, and intimacy.
Neither you nor your marriage is broken because you experience any of these sexual difficulties. Despite the love scenes portrayed in movies and novels, these challenges are not uncommon in marriage.
When issues become frequent or pervasive and become a “problem” for you or your husband, it may be time to seek help. You should seek help more promptly if you are experiencing physical pain. It cannot be emphasized enough that pain and sex should never be paired together!
Know you are not alone. You were created to enjoy a fulfilling and passionate sex life and there are professionals who can help you.
Where to Begin
God has designed women’s sexual operating system to be very different from men’s, and truly each woman’s is unique and special to her. Many sexual frustrations can be avoided by not assuming men and women (or every woman) operate the same. Every woman has the opportunity to learn about her body and her values en route to experiencing God’s best in marriage. A sexually satisfying, emotionally connected marriage is possible.
Female sexuality is complex and connected to many other areas of life. These areas must be addressed for full sexual enjoyment. In sorting through problems with hormones, medications, and blood flow issues a medical practitioner can help. A physical therapist can help you if you are dealing with pelvic pain and discomfort related to sexual activities.
Personal factors affecting your sexuality may include poor body image, fatigue, history of abuse, sexual regrets, hurt feelings, anger, depression, or anxiety. Life stressors such as work, or caring for children and aging parents can also diminish your sexual desire and response.
Poor communication, emotional distance, lack of quality time, criticism, and mistrust are relational factors that can be sexual brakes for you. Likewise, your sexual expressions can be limited if your husband is dealing with his own sexual problems.
An individual or marriage therapist can help you with the personal and relational problems interfering with your sex life. A counselor trained in sex therapy may be needed to guide you through self-help exercises that address your more specific sexual concerns and help you to enhance your emotional and physical intimacy.
A Family Matter
While sex is a very private part of our lives, what happens or doesn’t happen in our bedrooms can have a profound influence on the rest of our life. Our sex life matters! When we are in a sexually satisfying relationship we are more likely to create an inviting and nurturing atmosphere around us. This benefits our relationship with our husband, family, friends, and coworkers.
Experiencing God’s sexual best empowers us to enjoy a true blessing of intimacy as we reflect the passion of our loving God. When our sex life is not satisfying or is full of anxieties, we are more likely to keep others at a distance, and we create an entirely different relational atmosphere.
An Opportunity to Grow
It is easy to assume that our sexual difficulties are due to incompatibility, inhibitions and “hang- ups,” or just getting older. We settle thinking this is as good as it gets and limit our own sexual satisfaction. Often what is needed is not a new technique but personal and relational growth. A great sex life depends more on who you are, and how you are growing as a couple, than on what you do.
Challenge yourself to see your sexual “problems” as an opportunity (or wakeup call) to continue growing into your sexual potential. Courageously confront yourself and deal with the issues interfering with your sex life. Be willing to get help sooner rather than later.
Be honest, playful, and creative as you build an intimate marriage and enjoy a great sex life!