Pet Peeves in Marriage

There is a single, unopened Twix bar that continually sits on our nightstand. And it drives me insane.

Perhaps I should explain…

My amazing husband travels for work, and on each trip he returns with a Twix bar offered to him by an air stewardess completely unaware of the ongoing feud she is enabling within my marriage. But this isn’t really about her, it’s about me and my annoying husband.

You see, my sweetheart does not eat the Twix bars he procures. They simply sit perched on the nightstand awaiting a sugar craving within him that never comes. Inevitably, the allure of the Twix proves too much for me to resist and I devour its chocolatey goodness with only the slightest twinge of remorse. Because, after all, a new Twix will appear after his next trip.

The Twix debacle makes me crazy. If you are not going to eat the Twix, why collect them? If you are going to eat the Twix, why not just eat them? Either way — don’t get mad at me for eating your beloved (and unattended) candy treats. 

The life lesson here (and you knew there was one!) is that if I truly adore my husband (and you know I do!), then I will learn to see this scenario as less of an annoyance and more of an opportunity. An opportunity for what, you ask? For the active application of grace.

Every time I leave the Twix on the nightstand, I am choosing to convey:

I love you. In fact, I love you so much that I am learning to rejoice in our differences instead of grieving them. The fact that you have the ability to delay gratification and eat this on your own time is admirable, and I respect that about you.

And because I am blessed to have a husband who also actively seeks to apply grace, every now and then he chooses to give me the Twix. This says to me:

HE LOVES ME…AND I GET TO EAT CHOCOLATE! 

Sometimes the smallest gestures in a marriage can be the sweetest.

For today:

rejoice that Your grace can operate within me

I celebrate my husband and I’s differences, big and small


Kelli Willard is a fellow therapist with me at Building Intimate Marriages.

Kelli enjoys journeying alongside individuals and couples seeking a more balanced lifestyle and deeper intimacy. She is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) in the state of Georgia (GA LMFT #001359). Kelli holds a B.A. in Psychology from Agnes Scott College and a M.A. in Marriage & Family Therapy with a specialization in Christian Sex Therapy from Richmont Graduate University.

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