Sexual Faithfulness is More Than Not Having an Affair

I don’t understand why my husband is not satisfied with our sex life. I was a virgin when we married and I’ve remained sexually faithful to him throughout. I’ve never cheated on him and rarely say no to his advances. What more does he want from me?

Sexual faithfulness is about remaining true and loyal to the marriage bed. This is often described in terms of not having an affair, indulging in pornography, and the like. And while these are good things to avoid, it is only one side of the faithfulness coin.

Truly being faithful to God, and to the practice of Love in the marriage bed, also requires the cultivation of positive qualities. How are your sexual expressions magnifying the love of God? If they are not, then you are not being completely faithful to God’s purposes for sex in the marriage.

For instance, when sex is merely a chore or an obligation, it is not faithful to the Divine intent of love freely given. Likewise, when sex is just a means to discharge frustrated sexual energy, it is not faithful to the Divine sexual vision of intimate knowing, creative goodness, and sensual beauty.

Certainly, it is great that you have never cheated on your spouse by engaging in sex with someone else. However, sexual faithfulness is more than “not having an affair.” To be truly faithful you must also not cheat each other of God’s sexual best for your marriage. We rob our spouse when we are not faithfully growing our sexuality into its fullest potential.

Sexual dissatisfaction may point to this lack of growth. And bringing a wholehearted passion to your sex life may be that “one thing” (Mark 10:17-22) that is still lacking. This requires a change in your heart attitudes, and is much more than simply not “acting out” with the obvious sexual sins.

Due to his many possessions the rich young ruler was not yet willing to sell what he had, give it to the poor, and follow Jesus. What holds you back from your fullest expressions of love?

Will your faithfulness go beyond merely not sleeping around with others to magnifying the love of God through your sexual expressions? What will help you remain faithful to growing into God’s best for your marriage and sex life?

As a counselor, my passion is to help others reach their full God-given potential relationally, sexually, and spiritually. I do this by creating a personal space for individuals and couples, free from the demands of others, to thoughtfully attend to the important and sensitive areas of their life. I work as an ordained Christian minister, licensed marriage and family therapist, and certified sex therapist in private practice in Suwanee, GA.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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