Perhaps it’s easier to love others when we’re not hurting ourselves. And there is a place to care for ourselves first so we’re in a better position to care for others. But life rarely comes in neat timelines. And often we must learn how to love others while we’re wounded ourselves. In fact, as a husband and father, our burden might even be objectively greater, but we’re still called to tenderly love and care for those God has entrusted to us.
We can see an example of this while Jesus was on the cross. Certainly, it would’ve been understandable for him to focus on his own pain and suffering in such a moment. But even in his excruciating agony he demonstrates love by looking out for the needs of his mother – entrusting her care to John. And this is how we’re to love as well, especially those within our own home.
For instance, we might work many long and thankless hours to provide for our family – sacrificing our sleep, time with friends, and many other creature comforts. It might be hard in these moments to then empathize with the seemingly trivial struggles our wife or kids might have. And it might be tempting to dismiss their concerns because they seem to pale in comparison to what we endure. But this is not the way of love.
Love is not concerned with who has the greater burden, or if our practice of love is equitable and fair. We’re still called to love even when we’re wounded – caring for the heart of our wife or being present with our kids even as we endure our own suffering.
To be sure, this is not to deny our wounds or to otherwise minimize the burdens we carry. Our heart matters and we must remain intentional about our own soul care. All the same, our obligation to love doesn’t wait on us to be pain or burden free.
In the end, your wounds matter, but they do not exempt you from your duty to love. Learn to love even as you bear your cross.
