Love requires us to consider the interest of others and not just ourselves. But this doesn’t mean we must take responsibility for managing their emotions. Such management is often more about keeping ourselves comfortable rather than practicing true love
It’s clear we should not demean or otherwise dismiss the feelings of others. Like Christ, we must enter their world and try to see things from their point of view to love them well. And this will include sitting with and trying to understand their various emotional experiences – identifying whenever possible our shared humanity. This allows us to discover and seek their personal good every chance we get.
However, understanding and even caring for their emotions is not the same as taking responsibility for them. It’s neither our job nor the duty of love to take care of and manage their emotions.
In fact, what appears as love might be anything but at its core. Love is concerned about advancing the good of others, while taking responsibility for the emotional distress of others is selfishly trying to keep emotional temperatures down to keep ourselves comfortable.
For instance, this is changing our plans to appease others, holding back our thoughts and inner world in fear of their reactions, or assuming we’re to blame and it’s our obligation to fix things when others are disappointed. The action itself is not the issue, but rather the heart behind it. And it’s not love to merely fake the peace.
The issue here is one of responsibility, and our responsibility is to love, which is not placating to the emotions of others to keep ourselves comfortable. We rob others of their legitimate responsibility, and hinder their practice of love, when we take on more than what is ours to own. Love respects the maturity of others to manage their own emotions. And we disrespect them when we attempt to do this ourselves, which also limits the relational depth we can experience with each other.
In the end, care for the emotions of others without assuming it’s your responsibility to take care of this for them. Your job is to love them, which includes respecting their freedom and maturity to manage their own inner world.
Photo by Morgan Rovang on Unsplash
