We know the efforts we take to love others well. And perhaps it’s only natural to then want them to return these efforts back to us in kind. But it’s generally best to see our exchange of love as bartering rather than a direct one-on-one relationship.
For instance, the butcher might trade his meat with the baker for bread, who also received candles from the candlestick maker for the exchange of sweet treats. Each is loving the other in their own way, but not in the exact same way. They’re bartering their good and services to each other according to their abilities. And it’s in this same way we are to love each other.
For example, we might be the friend who is always willing to help out in the time of need, while our friends are more gifted in listening or being the socialite. It’s easy to then grow bitter and resentful when we show up to help them move, but they don’t do the same for us. On the one hand, this might be a legitimate complaint and we’re rightly disappointed whenever our expectations are not met. But we must also consider how much we’re projecting our expectations onto them. While they might not have helped us move, they might be willing to listen to us vent hours or ensure we’re never excluded from social events.
Their expression of love might look different, but it’s still love all the same. And we only frustrate ourselves when we don’t learn to accept these bartering type expressions of love. We give our unique gifts to them and allow them to offer their uniqueness to us without demanding things to match in the exact same way. To be sure, the quality of love should be the same, but not necessarily its particular expression.
In the end, allow others to love you in their own way – bartering with what they have rather than expecting them to give you back exactly what you’ve given them.
