We want all sorts of things and we don’t have to pretend otherwise. Maturity is not denying the presence of our desires, but rather our willingness to sacrifice their immediate expression for a higher good.
For instance, wanting to eat junk food is not necessarily a problem when we’re willing to surrender these desires ultimately to our overall pursuit of health. Of course, we might have to die daily to our desires for certain treats. And perhaps in time the desire itself becomes less intense. But, either way, we do not have to deny the presence of what we want. In fact, it’s through acknowledging our desire that we can adequately count the cost required of us on our journey of health. And we’re more prone to fall time and again into guilty pleasures that harm our health when this cost is not fully counted.
In the same way, we might have many sexual desires and fantasies, some of which might not be inherently sinful, but still clearly not a way to express love in our particular marriage. There’s no need to deny we want what we want. But we must be willing to sacrifice what we want to continue serving our wife in love.
And honoring the presence of our desires even when we’re choosing not to express them is a mark of maturity and how we count the cost in our practice of love. Repressed or ignored desires can become distorted, or simply wear down our defenses – making us more vulnerable to engaging in sinful expressions.
Of course, some desires are worth fighting for and we fail in our duty to love when we don’t. We must discern when to fight and when to sacrifice, and either way for the sake of love.
In the end, love often requires us to sacrifice our preferences for a greater good, but this doesn’t mean we must deny the presence of the desire itself.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
