Communication is a two-way street. While it’s true how we say things makes a difference, how we hear is also important. And sometimes our breakdown in communication has to do with our own faulty filters – our ears more than the other’s mouth.
Of course, we interpret life and stories from our own point of view. What we’ve experienced in the past informs how we come to understand what we’re faced with today. It’s not so much that we’re projecting our past onto our present; it’s just that we hear and interpret certain things from our default setting.
For instance, if we grew up in a situation where people were consistently harsh and critical toward us, we might also reasonably conclude we were not fully desired or loved in these moments. But however true this might have been initially, this becomes a faulty filter whenever we assume any slight criticism or disappointing sigh now is actually communicating we’re unworthy of love and belonging.
Because our default in interpreting negative feedback is to assume this is an attack on our self-worth, we now struggle to tolerate any criticism and quickly become defensive. The critique might be valid and offered in the spirit of love and friendship, but we cannot hear it as such. Our ears are set to hear and interpret such words only in one way.
To be sure, how things are said might still need to be polished. But this can only go so far when our hearing remains jaded. We must learn to trust and stay open to what others are actually saying versus what we assume they’re saying based on our own biases. This is not denying the validity of our perspective. But it’s not assuming it’s the only data point either.
In the end, regularly clean out your ears to ensure you’re hearing others accurately. Sometimes it’s not what they said, but simply how you heard it.
