It’s easy to grow frustrated when it seems like we’re having the same conversations over and over again. And much of this repetition might be helpful as we peel back the various layers of an issue. But sometimes we find ourselves going in circles due to a lack of vision and leadership. We’re waiting for things to change without the faith and courage to lead the way.
Of course, many times things just need to be repeated. Our stories are too complex and layered to comprehend in just one telling. But our frustration with the repetition is often a clue we’re missing something. On the one hand, it’s possible we’re not listening deeply enough. We’re merely reacting to the surface elements without listening to the heart behind the words. But a lack of leadership might also be in play.
For instance, perhaps we’ve not yet heard the true heart behind our wife’s complaints. But sometimes the real issue is not about the actual complaint itself, which is why it seems like the goalpost is always moving and we can never satisfy her. What’s needed is not a concession to particular demands or expectations, but vision that leads us to a higher way of being.
In many ways, this is simply remembering why our marriage exists in the first place, and no longer letting the small matters of life distract us from the weightier ones. In short, we’re seeking a higher perspective on our issues.
The point here is not to dismiss or minimize the complaints. But we need to engage at a different level when they’ve become unproductive. And our leadership is needed when we find ourselves simply going in unhelpful circles.
In the end, don’t just keep going in circles expecting a different result. Lead by providing a noble vision – a higher perspective that transcends the surface complaints.
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