Relationships are designed to bring out the best in us, and, of course, this includes our marriage. We all have our blind spots and areas of growth, and marriage becomes a refining crucible as we grow in our practice of love. But inasmuch as we’re to spur each other on in love, this is not to treat each other as a project per se. Marriage works best as a partnership.
A partnership assumes we’re equally yoked. While we have different duties and responsibilities, and our different gifts allow us to serve each other in different ways, there remains a sense in which we are compatible and made just right for each other. Friction and resentment are soon to follow when this is not the case.
This happens, for instance, when marriage is viewed as a project – either with our wife trying to fix us, or with us trying to fix her. This issue is not simply our desire to call the best out in each other, but rather the assumptions we make as we do. We’re prone to become prideful while looking down on her, or else put her on a pedestal while we’re in the mud, when we’re unequally yoked. Either way, the roots of bitterness soon grow.
On the one hand, we might despise her when we feel she’s holding us back in life. Or we might loath the way she tries to change us into her image while denying our natural way of being.
To be sure, often the issue is in our perception and not reality. It’s our heart attitudes toward each other and how we show up in the marriage rather than a true divide. As such, we find peace by treating our wife as a partner, while showing up and embracing this dignity for ourselves as well.
In the end, continue to call out the best in each other as partners in marriage. Be equally yoked and refuse to treat each other like a pet project.
Photo by Colin Maynard on Unsplash
