Wounds are easy to see when there’s a direct violation of our dignity. But some wounds come through neglect rather than through the direct presence of harm. And it’s this masculine neglect that holds many men back from confidently offering the fullness of their strength throughout their life and relationships.
Children are neglected when they do not receive basic food, shelter, and clothing, or when they do not receive the basic emotional and relational affirmations needed to know that they matter to others. And neglected children can experience a failure to thrive in life. Even when everything appears fine on the surface, they still struggle to move toward their potential.
And the same is true for many men. While we might not have experienced a direct attack on our manhood, our masculinity has been neglected inasmuch as we have not had intentional initiations to mark our transition from boyhood to manhood, mature and embodied examples of masculinity to emulate, or a clear vision for the purpose, responsibility, and joys of being a man.
And the result of this neglect is a failure to thrive as a man. We fail to RISE to the occasion because we don’t recognize who we are or understand deep desires of our heart, which can lead to passivity or attempts to overcompensate. Even when we work hard it’s without deep purpose or meaning, which slowly causes us to die inside or seek whatever illicit pleasure we can find just to feel something. And all of this causes us to struggle love well as husbands, fathers, brothers, and friends.
While we cannot change the neglect of our past, we can take responsibility for our formation today by seeking mentors, brothers, and intentional training in the virtues of masculinity.
And this is not just for our sake. As we allow our neglect to be redeemed we can become the kind of men who can now bless other men in their journey of masculine formation.
