We’re called to be kind and considerate of others. And to take responsibility for ourselves whenever we miss the mark. But all too often we assume emotional distress in others is our fault, and this misplaced responsibility robs us of our relational authority and true ability to love.
Of course, we’re called to love our wife. And many times this will include taking ownership for the times we’ve caused her harm. But it’s a mistake to assume we’re to blame just because she’s upset. She has her own journey of relational and spiritual maturity that’s not about us. And we short-circuit her formation when we take on responsibility that is not ours to own.
Our responsibility is to stay grounded as we steward our own emotions, speak truth in love, repent whenever we’ve violated God’s standards for us, and seek every opportunity to bring more life and goodness to our wife. It is not our responsibility to mange our wife’s emotional reactions, her interpretations, growth, or willingness to tolerate discomfort. And we risk intruding on God’s refining work in her life when we do.
Our duty is to provide a relational strength and presence that eventually allows emotional storms to dissipate and the air to clear – moving us consistently towards God’s best. This is the example set for us by Christ. He doesn’t withdraw, become harsh, or indifferent in the face of our sin. But he continually moves toward his bride, the church – washing her with his words and inviting her into deeper transformation. In this same way, we’re to refuse false guilt while remaining present, engaged, and loving toward our wife.
In the end, the question is: Are you responding to your wife’s pain in love, or merely trying to relieve your own anxiety regarding her pain?
Photo by Keenan Beasley on Unsplash
