It’s helpful to name certain patterns of being. Such insights allow us to better understand ourselves and each other, while also helping us to feel less alone, as there’s comfort in knowing others show up in life and relationships in similar ways. But sometimes in our desire to understand we feel compelled to label everything a disorder, which hinders our practice of love.
To be sure, there’s a place to name depression and anxiety, addiction, ADHD, perfectionism, narcissism, or the like. These labels help us to readily identify useful resources and community support in our journey of becoming the men God has called us to be. But in our quest for understanding and certainty we can also be quick to over diagnose. We desperately want to make sense of our struggles, and so we hunt for any possible disorder we can name to shed light on our circumstances.
But sometimes the only disorder we’re dealing with is a flawed and finite human being who is prone to sin. And while on the way toward being transformed into the image of Christ, they’re still navigating life in a fallen world while also being hunted by spiritual forces of evil.
It can be frustrating to deal with a particular presentation of this condition, but we miss our opportunity to love when we try to label it as something else. Instead of moving toward the messy reality of another, we seek to sanitize them by putting them in a box of our own understanding – effectively saying they’re lovable once their disorder has been adequately addressed.
Of course, there’s no need to shy away from naming disorders for what they are. But we must not let our desperate need to explain hold us back in our practice of love.
In the end, not everything’s a disorder. And over diagnosing can leave you underdeveloped in love. Accept the messiness in yourself and each other without the need to make everything an official pathology.
