We’re prone to quickly get defensive whenever we feel disrespected. But many times the core issue is within ourselves, and not the other. We’re more reactive to fleeting opinions of others when we don’t first recognize and respect who we are – staying grounded in the truth God speaks over us.
For instance, in marriage our wife might complain about not feeling loved. We might then take this personally and as a willful disregard of all the blood, sweat, and tears we offer in love to provide for our life together. Our efforts do not feel respected and so we go on the defense – explaining and providing evidence for all the things we do on her behalf. But in our zeal to defend ourselves we’ve missed the deeper issues of her heart. And we cannot see clearly to love her well when all of our energy is spent protecting our own fragile ego.
Of course, this is not to suggest there was no disrespect or contempt present as she shared her feelings. But, even if she meant this as an emotional attack, it doesn’t change what’s true. We’re either already loving her to the best of our ability, or we still have room to grow. But, either way, there’s no need to get defensive or otherwise try to prove our faithfulness. Our life speaks for itself. And perhaps, like Jesus, there’s no need to open our mouths when others are attacking us.
But our ability to do this starts with remembering and respecting who we are. Jesus felt no need to prove himself to others or try to convince them of his innocence. He knew who he was and was able to remain focused on the work he came to complete. In the same way, as we grow in self-respect we’re able to continue loving our wife and others without the desperate need to defend ourselves.
In the end, your ability to love well depends in part on your level of self-respect. When you don’t respect yourself then you spend all your energy defending your shallow pride rather than serving others in love.
Photo by Terrillo Walls on Unsplash
