No one likes being thought of negatively. And certainly there’s no need to be intentionally offensive. But sometimes we must be firm and unapologetic in our decisions, and without undue concern about the feelings of others. While they might consider us a jerk, when done well, we’re righteous jerks.
A jerk is commonly understood as someone who disregards the feelings of others. He’s usually blunt, selfish, and dismissive – refusing to play nice when others expect him to. And, of course, these are not admirable qualities as typically understood. But, when properly applied, there’s a place to be a righteous jerk – one who prioritizes what’s truly important over mere social conveniences.
The distinction is one of heart and not necessarily external reactions. To be sure, many people might still consider us a jerk when we protect our time, refuse to fake the peace, hold to our boundaries, or reject any attempts to be manipulated by false guilt. From their perspective we’re being inconsiderate. And certainly we should check our heart motivations. But we can do so without compromising what matters most.
Jesus himself shows us the way. While being the very embodiment of love, he was neither endlessly accommodating nor afraid of offending others. He was okay with being misunderstood and never allowed others’ expectations to dictate his mission. He was not selfishly dismissive of the needs of others, but he was righteously decisive. And this decisiveness led to his death.
It seems like a small thing then for others to call us jerks, provided we’re jerks for righteousness. We cannot love truly without a backbone. And part of this backbone is the willingness for others to think negatively of us.
In the end, there’s no place in love to be cruel or otherwise unkind to others. But perhaps there is a place to be a righteous jerk – one who’s willing to appear unlikable for a greater good.
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