Maturity calls us to consider the interest of others and not just ourselves. It’s immature and selfish to expect others to always accommodate our desires. But bitterness and resentment soon take root when we deny what we want. We must learn how to love others while still holding our desires unapologetically.
For instance, while it seems loving and kind to always defer to our wife regarding how we spend our quality time, this can ultimately leave us both frustrated. We’re trying not to be selfish. And this also seems to be the best way to avoid conflicts. But our soul slowly starts to die inside when we don’t regularly receive the attention and care we crave from our wife, with the unique and personal touch just for us. And insecurities might also start to rise for her when she constantly feels in the dark regarding how to love us well. In always deferring to her, we inadvertently keep her from knowing and caring for our heart.
The better approach is to be bold and free in our desires. We don’t have to shy away from wanting whatever we want. But maturity also keeps us from turning our desires into a demand others must meet. Our desires do not hold others hostage; they’re simply our desires. And this freedom allows us to acknowledge them while also being willing to sacrifice them for the sake of love.
To be sure, sacrificing desires doesn’t require us to deny their existence. We’re simply willing to give them up as needed in the service of love. But recognizing their existence helps us to count the cost in our practice of love, which keeps resentment at bay when much is required of us. It also keeps the door open for our wife, or others, to know how to love us, because we’re willing to courageously share the desires of our heart with them.
In the end, there’s no need to apologize for your desires provided they remain free and not a demand on others. Honoring your desires allows you to make meaningful sacrifices in the service of love while caring for your own soul along the way.
Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash
