We were created with a deep desire for weight and significance – to know our presence is needed and makes a difference to others. While some turn this into a desperate need to be needed, there’s nothing wrong with simply wanting to be needed.
To be sure, there’s a difference between the desire to make a meaningful contribution to our community and manipulating situations to keep others dependent on us. The former is a noble and aspirational desire, while the latter is self-serving and immature.
For instance, we might decide to pursue medicine, law, ministry, or the like because of a clear need in our community. And it excites us to respond to this calling and fulfill such a vital need for others. While serving others, we ourselves are filled with a deep sense of purpose. There’s something deeply satisfying about being a pillar of healing, strength, and support to others in their time of need. We want to be needed as we freely offer our gifts to others.
But, to be clear, this is our free gift and we’re not attempting to control or to otherwise keep others down to make ourselves feel important. This is the professional who believes he’s indispensable and no longer feels he needs to work with others. He might also subtly, and even unconsciously, make others feel as if they cannot solve problems or do life without his expert guidance. His insecurity keeps him desperate in his need to be needed.
In the end, wanting to be needed is simply our desire to know our unique strength makes a difference in the lives of others. It reflects a yearning for significance as we express love by serving and empowering others, rather than fostering dependence.
Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash
