Despite Solomon’s admission he couldn’t find one godly woman in the whole land (Ecclesiastes 7:28), most Christian men will readily admit their wives tend to be more spiritual than they are.
But their wives also tend to be more insecure, looking to their husbands to meet their needs for affirmation or self-worth. Still, it wasn’t just Eve who elected not to trust in God and his promises; she and Adam chose to disobey and put their security in something (or someone) other than their Creator (Genesis 3:6).
So as the spiritual leader of your marriage and family, how can you insure your “Eve” is putting her trust and security in God and not in you or something else? How can you make sure she refrains from idolatry (Deuteronomy 5:7-8) and keeps God on the throne of her life? Here’s some practical ways you can help.
#1 Be an example
Ask several of your friends who know you well what or who you look to for your security. You may think it’s God, but your life may demonstrate your security is in your job, a hobby or sport, or even your birth family. If they see anything or anyone other than God on your throne, you probably need to do some self-examining and repenting (Ephesians 5:22-23 NIRV).
#2 Lead your family spiritually
Have regular family devotionals (the length of time depends on the age of your children), but also make sure you delegate spiritual authority by encouraging everyone in the family—especially your wife—to lead the devotional at least once a month (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). This will motivate her to dig deeply into the scriptures to solidify her own convictions.
#3 Prioritize your relationships
Discuss the “hierarchy” of your family: God first, spouse second, and children third. Only when we daily and practically implement this prioritization will all family members feel secure and loved. Discuss this principle frequently with your spouse and your kids.
#4 Ditch the pedestal
Tell your wife you want her to look to God rather than to you for her security since you are just as flawed as she is. Remind her that while you will do your best to make her feel loved, safe, and secure, you are not God. As a sinful human being, you are not equipped with the ability to make her complete. Only God can do that (Psalm 146:3).
#5 Make a covenant
Commit to each other to honestly and gently confront one another if either of you is looking to the other for security. Commit to point each other back to God and His Word (1 Samuel 18:1-3 ESV).
#6 Know your wife
“Knowing” your wife is more than just about sex; it’s about emotional intimacy. You should know your spouse’s past and how it affects their present. If they are insecure, it may be because of unmet childhood emotional needs. If they haven’t worked through these core wounds with a licensed counselor, they will instinctively look to you to “complete” them.
#7 Pray together
Pray for and with your spouse daily, making sure you both take a turn to talk to God out loud (Matthew 18:19). Pray when you take a walk, when you’re in the car running errands, and even after an intimate time of lovemaking.
#8 Read together
Read and discuss the Bible and spiritual books that address the character and qualities of God (Nehemiah 8:3). Share how you plan to implement what you are learning and hold each other accountable.
#9 Be vulnerable and transparent
Share your own struggles. There are different schools of thought about just how much of your impure thoughts you should disclose to your wife, so get advice from a spiritual man whose life you respect. If there is any sexual sin in your life, get help now before it destroys your marriage (James 5:16).
#10 Build spiritual friendships
A healthy marriage includes interdependence and independence. As you pursue spiritual covenant relationships with other men, inspire your wife to do the same with spiritually strong women. Tell her you’ll watch the kids and watch her dance out the door (1 Samuel 18:1-3 ESV).
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