We’re crafted for action – to drive, to penetrate, to make things happen. And it is our glory and delight to come through on behalf of others. But at times our strength is also needed to simply hold space – to just be present with another without the need to do anything in particular.
To be sure, we tend to be more comfortable when we have something to do. And others often look to us to do just this. It can then feel unnatural and awkward, like a bull in a china shop, when we’re in situations that don’t require our strength in the usual way. But, like that bull, we can also cause much damage when we don’t read the room and learn how to offer a different version of our strength.
For instance, there’s a time in marriage in which we’re called to decisive action and leadership. And to remain passive would be to abdicate our duties. At the same time, it’s a mistake to treat our wife like a problem to be solved or a project to be fixed. And perhaps subconsciously we assume this when we expect her to operate in life the way we do. But she has a design all her own – a feminine heart that reflects the very mystery of God.
As such, often the best way to love her is to just hold space for her – allowing her to freely express the full range of her emotions without any pressure to do anything with them. We simply weep with her, or rejoice with her, as the situation requires.
Of course, we don’t let these moments distract us or to otherwise take us out from the work God has called us to do. But we must learn the dance between when to make things happen and when to just let things be. And pain and heartache are the result whenever we neglect one for the other.
In the end, continue offering your strength to come through for others. And remember sometimes this also includes simply holding space for another without doing anything particular.
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