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There is joy in pursuing another. When someone has captivated our attention we move mountains with the hope of receiving their open heart. But occasionally we also want to be pursued. This communicates value and worth to our own hearts.

Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash

In most relationships, there is a dance between the one who pursues and the one being pursued.

For instance, in most male/female romantic relationships the man is expected to pursue the woman, though there are the occasional Ruth/Boaz encounters.

In a similar way, the more outgoing friend is probably pursuing the more reserved.

In any case, this dance plays out in many different ways with us regularly switching roles in different situations.

One partner pursues physical touch while the other quality time. Both pursue and are being pursued, but in different ways.

The disappointment comes when we don’t receive what we offer. This leaves us feeling unloved and uncared for.

It hurts being the only one to initiate sex in our marriage. If she truly desired me, wouldn’t she initiate as well?

I don’t hear from my family unless I call. I guess our relationship doesn’t matter as much to them.

We pursue in ways meaningful to us. And it makes sense we want to receive the same.

However, we must be careful not to misinterpret the actions and motivations of others. They love us in their own ways.

And we must communicate our desire. Once known, others are typically willing to love us in ways meaningful to us, or at least try.

God created us with a heart to pursue and also a desire to be pursued – to know we matter enough for someone to move mountains on our behalf.

So, here’s to the dance of love – pursuing and being pursued.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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