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We all want to be cared for – to know our deep desires and longings, our hurts and concerns matter to someone. And as much as we would like people to just know our needs, we often need to ask.

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

All too often we don’t have what we want because we’ve not asked for it.

It’s easy to grow frustrated and assume that others must not care when they don’t give us what we crave. If they cared they wouldn’t hold back and would just give me what I need.

However, their reasons for not meeting our needs might not have to do with any lack on their part. Rather, we may be lacking because we have not asked.

Sometimes fear holds us back.

A request shows a need – a vulnerability that others can use to hurt us. What if they think my request is silly or still not give me what I asked for? Maybe it’s best not to say anything.

Sometimes is the lack of self-knowledge that keeps us from asking.

It’s hard to ask for something when we don’t know what it is that we need. We’re frustrated for not having it but can’t name it, and so we remain without.

In either case, whether fear or ignorance, we have a part to play in getting our needs met.

It may start with knowing ourselves, and then taking the risk to be known by others.

It is not fair to place the burden and expectation on others to “just know” what we need. Knowing and asking is how we take responsibility for ourselves.

Discover your heart’s desires and learn to ask for what you need. You may find others are more than willing to respond once they know.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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