For better or worse, we’re shaped by our past. We cannot escape the influences of yesterday. But being influenced doesn’t mean our past determines our present or our future. And it does no good to blame our past as if we’re still not responsible for how we show up today.
To be sure, there’s much value in studying and learning from our past. It contains many themes and clues to our story that help us to make better decisions today. It’s through looking back that we might discover our calling and the vision for our future. And even our past failures, tragedies, and trauma can prove to be a source of wisdom as we seek to find our way forward.
But learning from our past is not the same as using our past as an excuse for our actions today. A bad childhood, for example, is not an excuse for being an angry adult. While understanding our past might generate empathy, compassion, and grace, it’s still not a justification for our bad behavior.
And all too often we rush to find, or otherwise become desperate to discover, some definitive reason why we or others do what we do today. We are not curious about each other’s story per se, but rather we’re looking for a label to hide behind or blame – to use an excuse for what we want to do today.
For instance, my childhood made me depressed, anxious, afraid of intimacy, or the like and that’s why I cannot be a good husband. Or I don’t know if I can stay married to my wife because she was raised in a home of disrespect and irresponsibility. In both cases, we’re assuming the past determines our present. And we’re then blaming our past for the choices we’re making today instead of taking responsibility for how we show up.
In the end, learn from your past without blaming it or using it as an excuse to neglect your maturity and practice of love today. The past influences, but it does not determine who you are, or who you still can become.
Photo by Rein Krijgsman on Pexels
