We are the disciples of the systems that teach us the way to live, whether consciously or not. And most men have been discipled by pornography more than anything else, which shapes how we see each other, ourselves, and how we approach sex, even in marriage.
To be sure, most of us would not admit to such discipleship. We might work hard to keep porn out of our life, no longer struggle with viewing it, or perhaps it was never a particular temptation. But the discipleship of pornography is about how our mind and heart attitudes have been shaped toward sexuality, not whether we struggle with porn or not. And this is true whether we’re the virgin who waited until his wedding day, or the husband who has been porn-free decades and only has sex with his wife.
We live in a pornographic world with movies, books, social media, advertisements, and the like all participating in our sexual formation. And we’ve become disciples of pornography when we’ve developed a consumer mindset and believe we’re entitled to every novel desire. We might also feel the pressure to perform – believing every action we take needs to be picture-perfect and award-worthy. This can also lead to viewing bodies as mere objects to idolize or despise depending on how well they measure up to our ideals.
For many, being discipled by pornography has led to sinful behaviors outside of marriage. But this discipleship harms the marriage bed as well. While marriage puts sex in the right context, it doesn’t prevent us from approaching sex in marriage from a pornographic worldview. We must not assume that simply keeping sex in marriage allows us to bypass the need for more intentional sexual formation.
Recognizing how we have been discipled frees us to be more deliberate about our sexual education. And this opens the door for our sexuality to be a vehicle of love and true worship – bringing much wonder, creativity, and deep joy.
In the end, being disciples of pornography leaves you with a fragmented sexuality. Become intentional about your sexual formation and discover the joys of being whole and holy as Christ shapes even your sexuality.
