The blame game has been around since Eden. It’s very easy to see how others have contributed to the hardships we face. And there might be truth in our observations. But it also remains true that we cannot change others. If we want things to be different then we must start with the choices we can make.
For instance, even the best parents are still imperfect and will wound their kids in some way. But it does little good to spend our energy in adulthood blaming our parents. This doesn’t mean we ignore our wounds or otherwise deny our parents shortcomings. We’re free to give an honest assessment on both accounts. But maturity also means we don’t wait on our parents before we start taking responsibility for our own healing and growth. It’s not our fault that we had to suffer what we did, but changing our life for the better still starts with us.
And this same principle holds in marriage, with friends, and with the change we want to see in society. It’s tempting to blame others for our suffering, especially when their shortcomings are so clear. And our assessment of them might be factually correct. All the same, we’re neglecting our responsibilities when we’re simply waiting on them to change.
We change our marriage by first being the husband God has called us to be. And our friendships improve as we first become a better friend. Likewise, our communities become filled with life and goodness when we are first the salt that doesn’t lose its flavor.
Whatever it looks like, we must first embody the change we want to see – taking the first step toward becoming all that God has for us.
In the end, it’s okay to name the problems you see. Just remember change starts with you. Blaming others just keeps you stuck.
