It’s intoxicating to be the object of desire – for our wife to spontaneously and passionately desire us sexually, for example. And certainly we should relish these moments whenever they occur. But it’s a mistake to assume this is the only true expression of love. In fact, love is proven true when she offers us goodness even when she doesn’t feel like it. The decision to love still counts as love, and perhaps even more so than merely the ebb and flow of her emotions, however passionate otherwise.
On the one hand, we feel like a million bucks when we’re pursued from the overflow of desire. It strokes our ego and affirms our worth. We’re wanted just because. And somehow love feels cheapened or less than when it doesn’t come wrapped in such spontaneous expressions. Of course, when we’re just being placated then this is not love. But the heart of love is a willingness to sacrifice our various preferences and creature comforts to bring good to others. And we don’t have to question or dismiss love when it is freely chosen as such. It still counts.
For instance, our wife might decide to have sex with us, eat at our favorite restaurant, or join us at a ballgame not because of any natural desire on her part at that moment, but purely out of her desire to bring good to us. But this is still an act of love, and even more so because of how she’s making the decision. To be sure, it’s great when we want the same thing at the same time, and it doesn’t cost her anything to share in mutual moments of joy with us. But her willingness to pay a personal price to bring us good certainly doesn’t lessen her love or make it fake. It’s a demonstration of her faithful love toward us, which we should honor and receive with great gratitude.
It’s an insult to her and the love of God she’s reflecting when we despise the goodness offered.
In the end, true love brings the gift of goodness into our lives. And it still counts even when this comes from a decision rather than a spontaneous or passionate desire.
Photo by Micah & Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash
