Love is costly – willing to make meaningful sacrifices for the sake of the other. But this is a heart issue and not merely going through the motions. Love sacrifices to bring good to the other, which is not the same as just placating them so that they’re not upset.
For instance, we might willingly give up a weekend of hunting or golf to spend time with our wife and kids. But when this decision is motivated by fear of conflict, disapproval, rejection, discomfort, or the like then we’re simply placating them. On the other hand, we’re acting out of true love when we’re motivated by the desire to bring good to them and bless them with our presence.
On the surface these look the same. And initially others may never know the heart behind our actions. But eventually the fruit of our heart becomes evident. Anger and resentment are the result when we’re just appeasing and not practicing true love.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we must be excited about every act of love. Sometimes we have long conversations with our wife, stay up late for our kids, or show up for a friend in need not because we want to per se, but out of a deeper desire to bring goodness into their life. This is a costly burden, as part of us would rather be doing something else. But it’s a cost we’re willing to pay for the sake of love.
And it remains love when it’s not done simply to avoid conflict, as placating is just faking the peace. We’re not offering ourselves faithfully in love, rather we’re just managing emotions, trying not to rock the boat, or perhaps hoping to buy the other off so that they don’t bother us for a while. We keep ourselves comfortable by gaining a momentary relief from the tension, but without offering ourselves wholeheartedly to the true need present.
In the end, give of yourself time and again for the sake of love – truly bringing good and not merely placating each other.
Photo by Eduardo Barrios on Unsplash
