We’re relational beings to our core, and it only makes sense that we value the opinions others have of us. In fact, this feedback helps us to know ourselves and to effectively navigate life. And we become relationally impotent when we’re not willing or able to accept this influence. All the same, we must maintain relational sobriety so shame does not get the best of us.
Ironically, shame and pride are often mixed together here. On the one hand, we fear how others might view us and we become preoccupied both with our presentation and their opinions of us. This can fuel our sense of shame and inferiority when we feel we don’t measure up to their expectations. At the same time, pride is present in our assumption that other people think about us as much as we think about ourselves. But this is rarely the case. While we’re the center of our story, others are generally preoccupied with their own to worry about us as much as we might assume. Our shame then becomes self-imposed – based merely on what we think others think about us rather than on their true feelings.
Relational sobriety is detangling our sense of self and responses from these projections. We remain sober minded regarding our identity and relational connections. This is not cutting ourselves off from others emotionally or otherwise rejecting their influence in our life. But it is evaluating our assumptions and staying grounded in God’s reality of us. Even if it’s true they don’t like us, that they’re trying to control us, treat us like kids, or the like, sobriety allows us to see past these attempts and remain secure in who we are and the work God has called us to do.
In the end, don’t become drunk on the faulty assumption of yourself or others. Stay sober minded and grounded in God to avoid the unnecessary weight of shame.
Photo by Angelika Agibalova on Unsplash
