We’re called to love our wives just as Christ loved the church – willing to lay down our life for her sake. This is a sacrificial love that freely gives up our privileges to serve her and allow her to become all that God created her to be. But such love doesn’t require us to otherwise abdicate God’s calling for our life.
For instance, in much of life we willingly sacrifice our preferences around the home to bring joy to our wife. And we also make reasonable accommodations at work and in our social engagements to minimize the stress she might have to endure. All this can be seen as love because we’re willing to do whatever it takes to bring her more life and goodness even when it requires us to take the hit.
But such sacrifices are not absolute, as our efforts must submit to a true standard of love and not mere appeasement. And we’re merely appeasing her when we feel we must give up God’s calling for our life to keep her happy. Loving our wife sacrificially is not to make her an idol. And we must be willing to obey God’s call for our life even when it makes our wife unhappy.
Of course, we should not hold this position with arrogance or pride, as God might be trying to clarify our calling through our wife’s unhappiness. While we can make an idol of pleasing our wife, we can also make an idol of how we think our calling should be lived out. And perhaps our wife’s discomfort allows us to expand our vision rather than simply holding on to one particular and limited expression of it.
All the same, accepting her influence is not an excuse to abdicate the clear calling God has given us.
In the end, love your wife sacrificially without abdicating the work God has called you to do. Learn from her disappointment, and let it change you, without making her happiness an idol to appease at all cost.
