Naturally we seek to guard our hearts from future harm. And often this requires us to read between the lines to consider someone’s true intent toward us even when they’re suggesting otherwise. But we can end up projecting our fears onto others when we’re not careful – assuming what they really mean without first stopping to consider if this is actually true.
Projecting is a type of preemptive shield to protect us from perceived vulnerabilities. And often it’s the result of past disappointments and wounds.
For example, if we felt abandoned by our parents growing up, then we might assume anyone who gets close will eventually leave us as well. If we were betrayed in the past then we might fear our current partner will also betray us. And if we were fired from one job, then we might believe it’s just a matter of time before we get sacked again. We’re projecting onto our current situation past fears without evidence that it’s a present day reality. And this is our way to brace ourselves for the hurt we fear is coming so at least it wouldn’t catch us off guard. Perhaps the only thing worse than getting hurt again is being blindsided by it.
But such projections can strain relationships and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s not that our fears will cause others to sin. But it might push them away all the same.
We might be dealing with projection when we’re strongly convinced others are going to let us down despite showing no signs of behaving in this way. We must consider in these moments if our fear is speaking louder than what others have actually shown us. And addressing our root fears is more effective, and loving, than condemning others for things they might not have even considered.
In the end, protect your heart without projecting your fears onto others. Your heart matters. But it’s not helpful or kind to assume the worst in others without clear evidence grounded in truth.
