We often think of love as the spontaneous and free emotional expressions of affection toward each other. And certainly it can be this. But love is also a command. And feelings are not something that can be commanded per se. As such, many times we fulfill our duty to love by simply keeping the commandments given to us regardless of how we might feel otherwise.
Perhaps this is most apparent in marriage. On the one hand, our wife might readily enjoy the Hallmark, sentimental versions of love. And this is a reflection of how God has made her. But it’s a mistake to then assume that this should be our natural expression as well, or to discount our efforts just because we’re motivated more by our duty to love than spontaneous forms of expression.
Husbands are instructed to love their wives just as Christ has loved the church. While there’s no question of Christ’s passionate love for us, this was not displayed as the sentimental feelings of romantic comedies. Rather, after wrestling with what was required of him, he simply submitted to the Father’s will.
And it’s in this same way our love for our wife will often be expressed – not a misty-eyed swelling of emotions, but a resolved commitment to likewise surrender our will to God’s. And will likely be in the mundane aspects of life more often than not. For instance, sacrificing our daily time, comfort, and convenience to create an atmosphere in our home that allows her to flourish.
We frustrate our wives and often feel like a failure in love ourselves when we can’t seem to muster the spontaneous loving-affection she desires. Of course, our growth in love includes learning to express it in ways she can receive. All the same, fulfilling our duty to provide her with what’s needed is love in its own right.
In the end, be spontaneous and passionate in your love whenever you can. But don’t discount your efforts when you simply do your duty to love. Faithful duty is still love.
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