Sexual encounters are marked best with an atmosphere of mutuality. And ideally both walk away feeling deeply blessed, affirmed, and validated, though occasionally one might do more of the giving than receiving. Either way, freely receiving is not the same as obsessively trying to consume. And we risk becoming sexual vampires when we do.
Vampires are said to live off the blood of others; they drink to their fill while leaving others depleted. And this plays out sexually when we approach encounters with a desperate need for our own egos to be stroked or wounds to be soothed. We neither offer our strength nor consciously receive the tender and passionate love of our wife. Instead, we demand sex like a baby at his mother’s breast – looking only for our needs to be met without true regard for the other.
Perhaps like the mythological vampires, we become more prone to feed on the sexual energy of others when there’s a deep sense of feeling unworthy ourselves – a fear that we’re not enough or otherwise unlovable. Sex then becomes a means for us to gain some sense of validation – to be seen and touched, to matter to someone, even if just for a moment.
But, because this is coming from our own fears and insecurities, we exploit the other while leaving ourselves just as empty and disconnected in the end. We must first rest in the identity God has given us, and his power at work through us. This frees us to enjoy sex as a vehicle of love – both in the giving and the receiving. There’s nothing for us to prove and there’s no desperation as we bask in what’s offered.
In the end, enjoy the many blessings of sex without becoming a needy vampire. Learn to give and receive freely in love without using sex merely to manage your own fears and insecurities.
Photo by Krista Mangulsone on Unsplash
