The status quo is comfortable by its very nature – making change of any sort disruptive. As we learn to accommodate these disruptions we eventually find our new normal. But a lot of grace is needed as we come to terms with our new reality. And this is true relationally as well.
For instance, a bachelor is free to plan and organize his day according to his own agenda. But this changes even as he starts to date. Immediately there is now someone else who must be factored into his considerations, even on simple things such as where to eat. Getting married and living together then brings new levels of disruption, as one’s intimate living space must now be shared and negotiated with another. Likewise, parenthood exposes any remaining corner of selfishness, as young children will demand and need attention in ways even our wife does not.
Whatever it looks like, changes in our relational status will take us out of our comfort zone. And it’s disruptive and often painful as we learn to tolerate and accommodate these changes.
Of course, this is not to suggest these changes are unwanted or otherwise negative. They might very well be the answer to our prayers and the deep desires of our heart. But this doesn’t change the fact that our status quo has now been blown up.
And recognizing this reality allows us to extend grace to ourselves, and to each other. Change can be hard and we don’t have to beat ourselves up when it takes us a while to find our footing again. Nor do we have to assume it’s a sign of ingratitude to simply acknowledge the difficulties of transitions.
In the end, it takes time to build our tolerance to relational changes. Be kind to yourself and others along the way.
Photo by Alexandr Podvalny on Unsplash
