No one likes being misunderstood and their heart misrepresented. And naturally we will seek to correct the record on our character whenever possible. But, despite our best efforts, we still cannot control the opinions others hold. And so we must learn how to handle their false narratives of us.
To be fair, our first step is humbly considering if there’s truth in what’s being said. While we might not like how it is being said, we must be willing to own our part and adjust accordingly when the accusations are true.
When they’re not true, we can certainly invite the other to see things from our point of view. Many times the misunderstanding is unintentional and sharing our hearts with each other allows the issue to be resolved.
But others also have their own story, and it’s possible their false narrative is more about issues in their own story than about us personally. Of course, it still hurts when someone holds a negative view of us, but there’s freedom in realizing it’s not personal.
And this freedom allows us to reject their faulty perceptions while also not wasting our energy trying to get them to change their minds. Our integrity demands we filter our understanding ultimately through God’s reality – refusing to accept any and all lies from anyone else. But this resistance is to guard our heart and keep it grounded in the truth; we don’t have to try to force others to believe it as well.
And the beauty of truth is that it’s not dependent on our ability to convince others of it. It remains true even when others’ opinions remain unchanged. And simply living in what’s true is often the best way for others to eventually see and accept this reality for themselves.
To be sure, reason with others as best as you can to correct false narratives. But, in the end, refuse to accept lies and live in the freedom of what’s true. You don’t have to accept the opinions of others as true, nor try to convince them otherwise.
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What happens when it is deeply damaging – when someone is being accused of being a racist for example? (If you imagine what would have happened to Princess Kate and William if that narrative of racism that Meghan Markle wanted to inflame had managed to take hold). Never an outright claim but insinuations and subtle narratives? Spending your life having to sort of ‘counter’ something that was never true but so many think it could be?
What happens if a child falsely accuses an adult of sexual misconduct – again not going to the police, never stating anything directly but cutting ‘contact’ with the implication that something bad had happened? Everyone is going to think ‘there is no smoke without fire’ but what if the child is malicious, or just wants the attention or has other issues going in themselves?
What happens if something is stolen at work – and the culprit is never found but the implication and the general understanding is you did it. Look at the postmasters in the UK all accused of being dishonest but it was the company all along but the shame, the refusal to believe – everyone thinking you are a thief and dishonest. There HAS TO be a better way to defeat these false narratives because they are so damaging. Wandering along in your own truth is not enough ….. conspiracies against people and ‘ganging up’ with a false narrative is dreadful.
Unfortunately, as you’ve named, there will be many injustices and false narratives in this life that we cannot change. Although we can and should passionately advocate for truth, we cannot control the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others. And so we must focus on the choices we can make.
This might include lamenting to God and asking him to work in the lives of others to bring true justice as only he can. And it might also include continuing to boldly speak the truth every chance we get. We certainly don’t have to accept someone’s false accusations of us even if we cannot change their minds.
While not always satisfying in this life, ultimately, we must trust in God’s compassion and justice, knowing that he will care for us and not allow the guilty to go unpunished.
Deep laments – https://coreycarlisle.org/deep-laments/
Dealing with stubborn souls – https://coreycarlisle.org/dealing-with-stubborn-souls/