We’re taught to be considerate of others – looking out for their interest more so than our own. But often we’ve become so accommodating to others that we’ve disowned our own desires. And eventually this robs us of our ability to love wholeheartedly. Our well-meaning efforts to always appease others ultimately brings harm to the relationship.
Of course, love is not selfish. And, for many, their challenge is to simply realize that other people have their own valid perspectives, needs, and desires. But others go the opposite extreme and always defer their desires to others.
To be sure, this is generally a good-hearted attempt to love. Many of our daily preferences don’t matter in the long run, and so we willingly take the hit in sacrificing our desires to bring joy to the other. What harm is there to willingly give others what they want?
The harm is not in what is given. The harm comes from what is withheld.
On the one hand, our disowned desires might lead to resentment. We grow bitter because we’re always pouring into others without also receiving ourselves. To be fair, there’s joy in our serving. But even Christ withdrew from the crowds at times to simply spend time with his Father.
And, on the other hand, even without resentment, our heart toward the other might grow cold. While we continue to appease their desires, we do so out of mere obligation rather than a passionate desire. And this is how they experience it as well – our affection is seen as a mere generic chore rather than a unique expression of love.
Redoubling our efforts to give them what they want only brings more of the same. We must recover our desires so that we might love them from a full heart.
In the end, withheld desire robs you of your ability to love others passionately.
Consider the needs of others without neglecting your heart along the way.
