Marital intimacy is often thought of in terms of growing closer to each other through date nights, romantic overtures, and the like. And this certainly can be an expression of intimacy. But it’s also forged throughout our efforts to build or otherwise partner together in fulfilling some meaningful purpose. And all too often we feel bad at relationships when we simply have a different approach.
On the one hand, our wife might complain about wanting more intimacy in our marriage, which she naturally defines in a way that makes sense to her. And, of course, part of our duty is to love her in ways she is able to receive – learning to speak her language of love as it were. But the reverse is also true, though we tend not to have the language for it. As such, we’re often made to feel guilty for not naturally wanting and pursuing intimacy in the same way our wife does.
As with many other things, men and women also tend to approach intimacy differently. Men often get to know each other and forge deep bonds of connection through a shared mission or purpose. And this remains true in marriage.
Our wife is our life partner and the one with whom we get to tackle the adventure of life together. And there’s much joy in partnering together to build our homes, train our kids, serve as beacons of light in the world, as we also leave a legacy of love for the next generation. These are things we want to accomplish with our wife.
Our lack of affection or intentionality in other areas relationally doesn’t suggest a lack of love for our wife, just a different expression of love. To be sure, this is not an excuse and we should continue learning how to practice love in ways our wife is able to receive. At the same time, we should also honor the ways God has crafted us to cultivate intimacy through what we build together.
In the end, there are multiple ways to foster intimacy. And this includes our efforts to build a meaningful life together.
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