We tend to see things from our point of view and make ourselves the center of everything that happens. And this can lead to many misinterpretations and offenses as we’re assuming things are about us that might not have anything to do with us at all. There’s a time to speak for ourselves and keep the focus on us. But there’s also a time to take ourselves out of the equation and simply listen to the heart of another.
It seems we either shift from blaming others and not considering how we might contribute to a problem, to the other extreme of making everything about us. We must learn when our heart should be the center of attention and when it shouldn’t. And we often mix these up.
To be sure, as we’re sharing our desires we should focus on what’s important to us and not blame others for the things on their side of the street. But the reverse is true when we’re listening to the hearts of others. In these moments, it’s helpful to take ourselves out of the picture and just attend to what the other is sharing. We fail in our practice of love otherwise.
For instance, it’s not helpful to take things personally when our wife is sharing her desires and even the things she would like to see changed in our marriage. While this hits close to home, this is not about us. These are her desires. And we’re more likely to miss her heart when we become defensive assuming she’s intentionally stepping on our toes. However much her desires might challenge us, our initial focus should remain on our wife and the things important to her, and not ourselves.
Whether at home, at work, or in public discourse, we’re prone to frustrate conversations when we assume everything is about us.
In the end, listen to others without making it about you. Their heart is worthy of respect independent of your personal feelings and offenses.
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