There’s no leader without someone willing to follow. And while simply following orders is a reasonable expectation in many organizations, this is not how marriage works. We’re still called to lead our marriage and family, but this is done more by the vision we cast rather than guilt trips or demands for compliance.
To be sure, a private in the Army is expected to follow the orders of his commanding officer without question. And, on some level, we often want our wife to give us this same level of unquestioning respect, even if we would never express it as such. And, because we know we cannot simply tell her what to do, we often resort to making her feel guilty for not being a good wife who respects us.
To be fair, our desire is not always selfish – merely wanting her to satisfy our own wishes. Often our motivation is grounded in the desire for her to become all that God has created her to become. As such, our heart is not the problem per se, but our approach.
We cannot guilt our wife into her journey of personal growth and spiritual formation. But we can lead her. And we lead by casting a compelling vision that she would want to follow, and to follow freely.
Our wife would be merely appeasing us even if she gave into our subtle pressure for compliance. And this might allow her to fake the peace for years, but it’s not true transformation or growth.
Casting a vision helps her to see the beauty and goodness God has placed on our hearts, while still respecting her freedom to enter this journey with us. Her Yes then is a free and genuine Yes to follow us as we are following Christ.
In the end, lead not by guilt or demand, but by vision. This freedom opens the door for love and true transformation.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
