It’s easy to love those we already like and remain on good terms. But perhaps this is fair-weather love at best. And the depth of our true love is tested when we must decide to still love despite not liking the other person in this moment.
To be sure, love is often equated with warm and fuzzy feelings. And certainly these can be expressions of our love and affection. But true love is not reduced to simply how we feel in the moment. And often we decide to love even when we don’t feel particularly loving toward the other.
For instance, this is something we tend to take for granted in parenting, as we don’t usually think twice about still providing our kids with what they need despite their ability to make a mess of things. While harder in other relationships, it’s a practice of love we must cultivate all the same.
For example, conflicts in marriage might leave us feeling sour toward each other. And, when we’re honest with ourselves, we might not like our wife in these moments. But this momentary dislike is not an excuse to fail in our duty of love toward her. We must choose love even without the benefit of natural affection.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we must turn a blind eye to her offenses or to the issues that need addressing. Love does not require us to suppress the hard feelings we have toward each other. But it’s not letting these feelings define our relationship either.
We hold our integrity by continuing to practice love independent of our momentary feelings, and also without denying the reality of our current experiences. These both can coexist at the same time. And we compromise when we feel we must give into one over the other.
In the end, the call to love remains despite your momentary feelings otherwise. Continue practicing love even when you don’t like the other.
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