Mutuality of love is desired in marriage, and even friendship. But mutuality doesn’t mean we must love each other in the exact same way. This often leads to an unhelpful tit-for-tat scorekeeping in our practice of love. While ideally we share in our heart of affection toward each other, some interactions might appear very unequal on the surface.
To be sure, we can see this in the relationship between Christ and the church. The way he loves us is not the same way we love him. While we wholeheartedly devote our lives to him, we don’t give our life to him in the same way he gave his for us. And as the example for marriage, this means that husbands and wives will also love each other in different ways.
Mutuality doesn’t require our wife to love us in the same way we’re called to love her. Of course, love should be present for both. But our particular practice of love will vary. And this might play out in mundane everyday ways.
For instance, we might love by ensuring the house is secure when things go bump in the night, but we wouldn’t expect her to do the same. Likewise, she might freely bless us sexually without an immediate expectation that we return the favor. Whatever it looks like, there will be many times in which we will love each other without demanding our particular expression of love look the same.
In fact, we risk failing in our practice of love when we feel we must keep score – repaying or otherwise expecting the exact behaviors in return that we give to the other.
In the end, pursue mutuality in your practice of love, without assuming your expressions will look the same. While we’re all called to love, our practice will reflect our particular station and gifts in life.
Photo by Denisse Leon on Unsplash
