Neediness is not generally something we aspire to or even acknowledge. But we can only love others to the extent we’ve learned to receive love ourselves. And this means acknowledging our needs is the path to mature love.
Scripture is clear that we love because God first loved us. Perhaps this is easiest to see with newborns. There’s no expectation for them to love others when they are utterly helpless themselves. But as they receive and grow from the unconditional love of their parents, eventually they’re able to give this love back to others. But this progression of love is also a spiritual reality.
All too often we try to love without first knowing what it’s like to be loved. And we will consistently struggle to affirm and bless, actively choose and care for others when this is a foreign experience for us. And it’s foreign not because we’re unlovable, but because we’ve believed the lie that we don’t need anyone, or that our neediness is immature and weak and should be denied.
Of course, there is an immature neediness – constantly looking to others for what God has equipped us to do for ourselves. But as our bodies need food, water, sleep, and touch, so our souls need meaningful attention, significance, connection, and delight. And these needs never go away. It’s not irresponsible or childish to want these things or to otherwise express our needs for them. This is part of how we receive God’s love through others.
And as we are so loved, then we can rest in who we are without the need to hide or pretend. This then frees us to boldly love others as God has loved us – loving them even when they’re still in their sins.
In the end, it’s okay to be needy. This opens the door to fully receive love, which then empowers you to freely love others as God has loved you.
Photo by Ryan Graybill on Unsplash
