Some people have no problem asserting themselves and pushing their agenda regardless of how disruptive it might be. But even the thought of being an inconvenience brings anxiety and dread to others. And they go out of their way to avoid any hint of being a bother. This not only breeds resentment in us, it robs others of their ability to grow in love.
To be sure, we have the responsibility to take care of our side of the street. And it’s immature and selfish to impose all our needs onto others. At the same time, it’s prideful and selfish when we don’t allow ourselves to bother others to some degree.
Children certainly bother their parents in many ways. But this is a sacrifice parents are willing to make. In fact, there’s a joy in the sacrifice despite its high cost. And the same is often true as well in marriage, friendship, and the like.
Every relationship comes with its demands that will consistently expose our areas of selfishness. As such, they’re disruptive, but this also gives us an opportunity to grow in our practice of love.
While it’s understandable we don’t want to unnecessarily bother others, it becomes a point of pride to assume we can somehow bypass this inherent reality of relationships. Our very presence, desires, and needs will often be inconvenient to others. But this is a difficulty we learn to wisely manage and accept, not a problem we try to eliminate. And we only set ourselves up for bitterness to sneak in when we try.
In our attempt not to bother others we then tend to be overly accommodating toward them. And soon we resent even reasonable requests because of how much we’ve already sacrificed to make their life comfortable. We’re not bothered as much by them when we appropriately allow ourselves to be a bother as well. And this is actually as service to them, as it gives them a chance to love us in the same way we try to love them.
In the end, it’s okay to occasionally bother others. This is a reasonable expectation of every relationship. Humble your pride and give others the chance to love you well.
Photo by Jaime Spaniol on Unsplash
