Any two people are bound to have many things in which they cannot find agreement. And they might find themselves in a relational stalemate when one desire cannot be expressed without compromising the other. Such an impasse is a clue the situation must be approached from a different level to discover a meaningful resolution.
For instance, where we go out to eat generally doesn’t matter in the long run. And so, even when we don’t care for a particular restaurant, we might concede to the other when it matters more to them. And in a healthy relationship there’s a lot of freedom to take turns honoring each other’s unique preferences.
However, there are typically deeper issues in play whenever we find ourselves gridlocked over our differences. Here, it’s not just that we don’t like the choices of the other, but it would feel like a personal offense to participate in what the other is suggesting.
Of course, it’s possible we’re just letting our feelings and pride get the best of us. We want what we want and selfishly don’t want to give into the other. But we’re bumping into some deeper conviction whenever there’s a true offense present. And we frustrate everyone when we assume the conversation is limited to just what restaurant we choose and we don’t go deeper.
To be fair, these deeper values might not be immediately evident. And it might be tempting to just compromise or give up when it seems we cannot get on the same page. But respectfully staying engaged is the relational crucible we must endure to keep discovering our convictions and taking the relationship to a new level. Resentment is usually the fruit produced otherwise.
In the end, overcome your relational stalemates by going deeper and approaching conflicts from a new level. This allows you to get to the heart of the issue rather than merely fighting shadows.
