Our sexual fantasies are usually private, and most of the time, they should remain that way. But this privacy can sometimes turn into secrecy and fear. While we might ask God to take away these fantasies, rarely do we view them as a chance to deepen our relationship with him. Our fantasies can offer clues to help us understand ourselves and God better. And praying our fantasies brings them into the light with God, preventing them from becoming a force of destruction in the dark.
Unfortunately, all too often we attempt to keep our sexual and spiritual lives separate from each other. While we might affirm that God blesses the marriage bed, sexual thoughts and prayer seem incompatible with each other, and perhaps outright inappropriate. Of course, we’re free to ask God to remove sexual temptations and to purify our minds. But often this is simply to reinforce the split we already believe – that we must become less sexual to become more spiritual.
As such, fantasies are often seen as things to eliminate, or at best tolerate, and not to contemplate and invite God into. And we miss the depths of our intimacy with God when we do.
On the one hand, we should be able to pray about everything. Nothing should be off limits in our relationship with God. And this naked vulnerability cultivates intimacy. At the same time, we can share with God the various thoughts, feelings, and desires that stir as we consider various fantasies. And this might lead to meaningful questions. Why are we drawn to these particular images? What does this reveal about our story? In what ways might it be connected to God’s divine nature and the larger story he’s telling?
For instance, fantasies about older women might point to a mother wound, or simply to our desire for more of God’s tender, love, and care that’s often best reflected through mothers. And praying this fantasy is then opening our hearts and listening for ways God might be using these images to help us live in these deeper realities with him.
In the end, include your fantasies into your prayer life – allowing them to reveal more of your true desires for God himself.
