To love is to consider the needs of others – entering their world and doing what’s necessary to advance their good. But this becomes a nearly impossible task when we don’t even know ourselves. To love others requires us to have a solid sense of who we are.
We can see this in the life of Jesus. Much to the dismay of the religious leaders, he freely ate with the tax collectors and sinners of his day. Likewise, he carried on a private conversation with a Samaritan woman who didn’t have the best reputation in town. While his interactions were considered scandalous by many, Jesus was able to freely love each of these individuals because he was clear on his identity and mission.
In the same way, Paul shares his ability to become all things to all men to save some. But he’s also clear that he didn’t take on their way of life. He kept his bearings in Christ. Paul’s solid sense of self grounded in Christ freed him to serve a wide range of diverse people.
And it’s this self-knowledge that we need in our practice of love as well, even at home with those closest to us. For instance, we have greater freedom to love our wife when we can remember and rest in the identity and mission God has given us. As such, we don’t have to get defensive or apologize when we’re faithfully fulfilling our duty to love, even if our wife is not particularly happy at the moment and is blaming us.
This is not to dismiss her feelings and concerns, but to free us to enter deeper into them. Without a secure identity we make the conversation about defending our own ego, and we miss her heart. But when we’re squared away ourselves then we’re free to enter her world and care for the things important to her.
In the end, grow in your practice of love by remembering who you are and resting first in the identity God has given you. This frees you to enter the messy world of others without the constant need to defend yourself.
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