Love is not passive. And there are many times in which we must challenge each other and shake up the status quo in order to advance the good. But we’re in danger of merely pushing our own agenda when we don’t seek to understand first – entering the world of others and trying to see things from their point of view.
Of course, we might rightly name many areas of growth for our family and friends. And on a good day they might readily receive our unsolicited advice on how to improve their life. But more often than not our well meaning advice will be met with resistance. And this is not because it’s wrong per se, but because we’ve not yet connected with the heart of the other before offering it.
For example, we might see the need for our kid to develop more meaningful friendships. But this conversation is not likely to go well when we simply start by telling him all the things he needs to do to be a better friend. However true, the better approach is hearing his heart first.
How does he feel about the current state of his friendships? Does he want things to be different? What has or has not worked in the past?
The particular question is not as important as simply creating the space to enter into his world. And it’s from this position his true need regarding friendship becomes clearer. Our advice and challenges are now more likely to hit the mark because we’ve connected with his heart first.
To be sure, this plays out with our wife, coworkers, neighbors, and the like. And we’re simply a well meaning bully when we challenge others, even for their own good, without first seeking to understand their heart.
In the end, be proactive in your love and challenge others as needed to advance their good. But humbly seek to understand their heart first.
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