Reshaping the Narrative of Masculinity

Every good story has a villain a bad guy. And until recently even our kids’ stories showed this as well, where you saw characters of good versus evil…the forces of lightness battling against the forces of darkness.

My son just turned one a couple months ago and the theme for his birthday party was that of the Lion King. And even in this children’s film we have a character of Scar and the hyenas representing those forces of evil, the villains, the bad guy. And while my son was too young to fully appreciate that narrative, it still goes to show that even from a young age, we understand, we understand good versus bad…that there’s something in our psyche that is looking for the villain in our story, looking for the bad guy in our story.

Men Assumed to Be the Bad Guy

And this is true when it comes to our conversations, the narrative around gender and masculinity. But unfortunately, in this conversation, men are often painted as the bad guy. Men are often painted as the villains.

And so when men are struggling with some issue in their own life…it’s because they’re at fault. They’re the problem. They’re the bad guy in their own story. And then certainly when society is suffering or there’s violence against women, then again, men are the problem. And so the common trope, whatever the issue is in society, the family or the individual level, it can be traced back to a problem with masculinity that men are the bad guy in whatever story we’re telling.

Spiritual Warfare

And even in Christian circles, some rightly name the spiritual forces of evil at work co-opting masculinity to cause violence against women, to cause harm in society. But many of these conversations are still short-sighted in that the underlying assumption is that there’s still a problem with men themselves, still a problem with masculinity, that men are still the ones causing evil against women in society…rather than as Apostle Paul puts it that a battle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities against powers against the rules of darkness in the heavenly realms.

And so our battle is not against each other as men and women, but we have to partner with each other and battle against the spiritual forces of evil.

And certainly part of that partnership is helping each other out to name those…those blind spots. That here’s…here’s some of your shortcomings. Ideally we start with dealing with the…the log in our own I first before we dealing with that that speck in our brother’s eye or in this case our sister’s eye…ideally, we’re dealing with that that log in our own I first but there still comes a time when we help each other out, but in doing that we’re still doing so as partners and not as if there’s something inherently wrong, evil, flawed, in this case, with that very manhood…with our very masculinity…

Original glory

…that we don’t start our conversation with original sin, we start our conversation with original glory. We start in Genesis one, not in Genesis three.

When we start the conversation in Genesis three, just simply critiquing and pointing out sin, even when we do so with the best of intentions, many men are going to check out. When all we’re doing is simply naming the sins of manhood and not also helping to identify and honor the glory of our masculine design, many men are going to rightly (*understandably) check out.

Holy Ideals of Manhood

And so in order to help each other forward, we must also elevate the conversation to include our masculine glory. What were those holy ideals that God had for us from the beginning?

This is the only way that we as men can live with hope and not in despair. One of those holy ideals, I believe, is life -giving strength.

The Male Body Speaks

And we can see this story told through the male body itself. Where generally speaking, the male body is physically stronger than the average female body. While there’re exceptions, the male body still testifies of strength.

That regardless of our muscle mass index, God has crafted each male with the penis that grows strong and erect, kind of like a rock or strong tower. And God is telling us the story even through our very genitals, that in order to conceive life, the male has to play his part. He has to rise to the occasion. He has to offer his strength. He has to spill himself in order for there to be life… n order for conception to take place. And God is showing us something in this pattern, that there’s a pattern of manhood here.

Masculine Ethic

That part of manhood means spilling ourselves, sacrificing our very life so that we can generate life outside of ourselves. But this pattern is not limited to a particular career. It’s not limited to how physically strong we are, or our personality or temperament. We don’t have to be the stereotypical manly man, for example, to reflect God’s image of manhood. We just need the freedom and confidence to offer our strength throughout our life and relationships.

But this is much more difficult to do when many of the conversations around our masculinity assume that our masculinity is inherently toxic or altogether neutered.

Rejecting Lies

Even still, part of offering our strength means resistance these lies and still figuring out how to show up and offer our strength, fighting to remember and restore our original goodness, to restore our original glory, that we don’t let evil have the final say. We don’t let the lies of society have the final say on what it means for us to be men reflecting God’s glory.

And that’s part of what I’m trying to do in these conversations…to create the space to help us to remember and to restore the vision that God had for us as men.

And so what are some of your holy ideals of manhood?

What did God create us as men? What does masculine to reveal about our Creator? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.