Kids naturally want to break free from the demands and expectations of their parents to start making decisions on their own as they grow older. And, in many respects, this is as it should be. But this freedom is not absolute. And part of maturity is also learning how to make decisions with others, particularly in marriage.
To be sure, it’s the job of parents to make decisions for their kids when they’re too young to do so themselves. And yet parenthood also includes teaching kids how to make wise decisions for themselves.
All too often the journey ends here for many, as it feels like their manhood is being questioned to concede to the presence of other stakeholders in the decisions they make. And perhaps, for some, it is when they abdicate their point of view and simply defer to the other. But maturity includes learning how to consider others without giving up our point of view either. And this is certainly the case in marriage as the two become one.
Marriage creates a new entity in which we’re no longer making decisions on our own, but now in partnership with our wife. Said another way, we’re functioning as a unit rather than merely independently.
As such, decisions about money and in-laws, boundaries, values, the culture we create in our home, and the like are all made jointly. We decide as husband and wife what’s okay and not okay for our relationship. We’re no longer making unilateral decisions without filtering it through our union as a couple.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we have to micromanage every minor decision made. But the spirit of our decision-making should still be as husband and wife and no longer just for ourselves, however well meaning otherwise.
Making decisions with our wife is part of how we respect and love her, and demonstrate our care for her heart.
In the end, continue to exercise your freedom to make decisions for yourself. But grow in maturity by learning also how to make decisions with others. Two becoming one includes this call for partnership.
Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash
