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Facts don’t change regardless of how we feel about them. And feelings hold their own truth that cannot be reduced to mere facts. It takes wisdom to hold both of these realities throughout our life and relationships.

For instance, fire doesn’t care about our feelings. We will get burned if we put our hands in it. And it’s best to accept this reality on its own terms.

Likewise, in a car accident, the officer isn’t concerned with our feelings about the accident. He simply wants to know the facts.

On the other hand, mere information and facts is generally not sufficient for relational connection. Greater weight is given here to the heart and feelings behind our actions.

For example, in telling our wife about our day, it’s typically better to share how things have impacted us personally then to merely report the facts of what we did.

And in a disagreement with each other, fact-checking every point is not usually helpful. It’s best to simply care for her wounded heart and not nitpick every statement for its factual accuracy.

All the same, facts and feelings work together.

Our feelings help us to make sense of and tell the story of the facts we encounter.

Being burned only makes sense because of its impact on us. And we will tell the story of an accident multiple times. This is not to remember the facts per se, but to help us come to terms emotionally with what happened.

And even when feelings lead, this is not divorced from the reality of facts, though they’re often tapping into deeper truths then what initially meets the eye.

Whether we are aware of it or not, our souls are impacted by what we’re exposed to every day. And the deep movements of our heart don’t always fit neatly into surface facts.

In the end, respect the place for facts and feelings throughout your life and relationships. This allows for depth and richness while staying grounded in reality.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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