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In marriage we find a partner for life. But this commitment does not eliminate our need to be surrounded by others. We place an unfair burden on our wife when we expect her to be our one and only.

To be sure, marriage is a unique relationship and our wife holds an irreplaceable role. There are certain needs and desires we look to her and her alone to fulfill.

At the same time, we still need others.

It’s not fair to our wife and it puts an unnecessary strain our marriage we when look to her to be our everything.

For instance, it’s good to have a few friends to talk shop or share personal interest with. This frees us to enjoy the common ground of our marriage without pressuring our wife to meet all our needs for social interaction.

Likewise, it’s good to have a few good men to talk through the sexual part of our life with. With these men we’re able to hear, encourage, and challenge each other without taking things personally. The sensitivity of sex makes this harder to do in marriage.

Having others in our life is not to exclude our wife. The point is not a secret life, but rather a team of support.

Our wife maintains a leading and informed role on our team without the burden of playing every position.

And this frees her to flourish in her role as wife, not to mention lover. Playing every role depletes sexual energy.

Wholeheartedly share your life with your wife. But don’t burden her as your one and only connection for life and meaningful relationships.

Build a team of support around you. In the end, this blesses your marriage and frees you to enjoy the full benefits in your role as husband and wife.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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